Dear Life

I found a journal entry from a few years ago that I wanted to share.

"Oh life, what complexities you bring. Hard and trying, rough and tiring. In part they are what make you so wonderful, realizing how blessed we are to have you. But when those hard times are in our face, forcing us to realize how hard you can be, we just want to cry, just break down and give up. It's too hard, it's never ending, I just want it to go away. I know I shouldn't think of you in that manner, but you make it hard to not. No, we make it hard. We are the ones who make the choices that shape you, the choices that make our road. sometimes we wish you could just be easy and that we could just always make the right choices. But what kind of life would you be if that were the case? We hate to admit defeat with you, but sometimes it's admitting defeat that helps us make you more wonderful. Actually, always admitting defeat make you more wonderful, as long as we are working on correcting the mistakes which causes our defeat. Learn from mistakes, learning from them is the only way to make you more enjoyable. Focus on what is wrong with you, tackle it, attack it, get rid of it, and never let it come back. It'll be hard, and it won't be fun, but we'll thank each other later with the results. thank you life for listening, I think I know what I need to do now to make you the best ever!

-Tonia Russon

P.S. I love you!"

Life is a journey, and it's a rough one sometimes, but in the end it's worth it. The Prophet Nephi helps us understand what our life is for, "Men are, that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25. God wants us to find joy in our life, " For behold this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." Moses 1:39. The path to finding joy is riddled with patches of sorrow. Why? Why does life have to be so hard? "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things." 2 Nephi 2:11. If we never knew sorrow, we would not know joy. If we never felt pain and anguish, we would never know relief. But bumps in the road help to make us stronger too. You can't build muscle without exercise. Sometimes life makes us want to cry, to throw in the towel and call it quits, but that's not why life is hard, to cause us to quit, life is hard to help us grow and be more. God wants us to be happy, He is not cruel. If something is hard, try asking in prayer, why? What do I need to learn from this? How is this going to make me happy? Be open for the answer, it will come, I promise. Then do. Nothing comes without action. "The day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." Alma 34:32. And don't forget to love your life, God made it special just for you!

Change of Heart

I had the chance to go to ARP, Addictive Recovery Program run by LDS Family Services. I love ARP, I learn so much every time I go. We go with people either we are teaching or who are in our ward, but I wont say names, it's confidential. I have not had a major addiction that I've been trying to overcome, but I do have character weaknesses I am working on. I am always reminded that I need to start implementing the 12 steps into my life whenever I attend. ARP uses the 12 steps in AA meetings, I've been told, but with a twist, using the Atonement to overcome addictions. Last night we were on step 6 Change of Heart: become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses. The reading in the step is really good, and I think it's something that everyone can use, whether you're working on overcoming an addiction or not. Everyone has character weaknesses to overcome, so I wanted to share a little bit with y'all. One quote I really loved from there was, "Probably the most humbling thing to acknowledge is that you still harbor a prideful desire to change without the help of God." I think many people can relate with this. It's so easy to think that we know what's best, or that we know what's right. Thing is thought that God knows so much better, so why not turn to Him for help? Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations." God knows us very well and knows what we need to help us out. We also cannot become clean again without the help of our Savior. "Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me," Alma 7:13. Not only does He have the power to remove sin from us, but He can also empathize with us since He has suffered according to the flesh. I know that it is hard to be able to turn over to Christ completely to have Him help us overcome our weaknesses, but that is what He is there for. He can help us find peace, help us find relief, and help us find joy again, something we cannot find without His help. I know that Christ is always there for us no matter what, and that He cares about us, and that He loves us with everything He has in Him.

To learn more about ARP, or to find meetings check out addictionrecovery.lds.org.

Learning

In life we do a lot of learning, in many different ways. In school, in life experiences, talking with others, in personal studies. There are a lot of things to learn in life. Secular, spiritual, emotional. We are always learning too, in everything we do. What's really important is what we learn, and what we do with what we've learned. I have been on my mission nine months now, I'm now half way done with my mission. I've come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. I have done a lot of learning on my mission, lots of different kinds, and lots of different ways, but lots of learning none the less. I am so grateful for what I've learned so far. I have learned how to love others, even if we're not friends. I have learned to reach out and help others, even those I don't know. I have learned more what it means to be charitable and love. I have learned so much more who I am and what role I have in this life, and my purpose as well. I have learned more about my Savior, who He is and what He wants me to do. I have learned why and how families are so important. I have learned how to be more like Christ. I have learned how to teach, and how to learn. I have changed who I am because of what I've learned. I've become more patient, wiser, more compassionate, probably not more humble though, and I've tried to be more of who God intends for me to be. I know that He knows me so perfectly so He knows what I need to do to learn what I need to learn to make the choices I need to make to become the happiest person I can become. I am so grateful for all that I have learned, and I can't wait to continue to learn more. I do want to take the time to share a little of what I've learned. I know more so now than before that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Christ's true church in the fullest, and that we have a Prophet today called of God, who guides and directs this church. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, its truly my favorite book, and I love it more now than ever before. I know that Joseph Smith is a true Prophet too, and that he did see God, that he did restore Christ's church, and that he did translate the Book of Mormon by the power of God. I know that we have the priesthood power, God's authority and power, on the earth today, I have seen it bless my life in countless occasions. I know that we can turn to Christ for anything we need, and that He really does know us individually, and loves us. I know that His atoning sacrifice is real, and that we can turn to Him in times of need and He will help us. I know that anyone can find this out for themselves, with true desire and intent with faith and Christ. I love this gospel so much, it has blessed my life so much, and I love the work that I am able to do, it has been the biggest blessing for me in my life. D&C 76:22

Choice

I've been thinking about a new topic lately. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints calls it agency, but when we talk about agency most everyone else gets a little confused. But if you think about it, it's not too confusing. When we talk about agency we're talking about having the ability to make choices. When most others talk about agency they're talking about those who help you find the best deal, which is helping you make a choice right? So we're all talking about making choices. Choosing, that's what I want to talk about today. In life we are faced with an infinite amount of choices to make, each one presenting a different course of life. Some choices are small: what to eat for dinner, what clothes to wear that day, what song to listen to in the car. Others are big: what to study in college, where to live, who to marry. Some choices we take little to no thought in, others we think about forever, and sometimes till it's too late. We're not alone in our choices though. In the Book of Mormon we find council from the Lord to consult Him in everything. "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul." (2 Nephi 32:9) So when we are faced with a choice to make, we can pray to get help, God can give us personal revelation to help us get an answer. We may not need to pray for every choice we have to make, God does trust us in our choices. Some things, like what we eat for dinner are up to us. But big decisions are hard to make alone, and we need some help in knowing what path will be the right one to take. Then we can pray to God, and allow His Spirit to be with us and guide us in our actions. Sometimes it feels as though we are compelled to do something and that it wasn't our choice. I have, at times, felt that way about coming on my mission. In a blessing I received I was told that I could serve a mission, as a full time missionary, so with the badge, at a time of my choosing. I can look at my situation and think, well I didn't choose to come serve a mission, I didn't even want to serve a mission. I had prayed about serving a mission, it was heavy on my mind, but I knew it was my choice. I also knew that God knows what's ahead for my life and that He knows what choices are going to be best in my life. I made a choice and I prayed about it, no, I didn't want to serve a mission. I didn't feel good about it, but it was my choice. But then later, I prayed to know what was God's will for me, what He thought would be the best option, and His answer was to serve a mission. I have sometimes looked at that and thought I didn't choose to come out, God did. But I really did choose. I received a call and I chose to accept that call. I was reviewing the story of Mary, mother of Jesus. She was visited by and angel and told about her calling, to be the mother of Christ, but was she forced to accept that call? I don't think so. Luke 1 explains this story well, and I love verse 38, "And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her." She was given the call to be the mother of Christ, and she accepted it, she chose to do so. When we were with Heavenly Father, a long time ago, He gave us a plan, to come to earth, to gain a body and experience, and return to Him again. Part of gaining experience means being able to make choices, so He has given us a chance to make choices so we can learn. That is a right that He cannot take away from us. He can never force us to do anything, that would not be fair, or in accordance with who He is. So we are all faced with choices, some great and some small. Some are easy to make, and others are hard. Sometimes we'll receive direct council from God as to how to make these choices, but other times He allows us to make choices on our own, trusting us to make good choices. As long as we are making choices that in line with Christ's teachings and His Gospel we will know that we are making good and right choices. Matthew 11:28-30

Repentance

I've been thinking a lot about repentance lately. I took a class when I was going to college at the Institute of Religion in Orem Utah called repentance and forgiveness and I learned so much about repentance, and it changed repentance for me. I always thought of repentance and thought it was a horrible, painful thing to do. But after taking that class I had a different opinion of repentance. I came to see repentance as a wonderful, beautiful thing. Repentance is turning our will over to Christ, changing our heart. I love ASL, and the sign for repentance is change with an R shaped hand. Repentance is change. Changing our will and our hearts to match that of God is not painful, the sins we have committed that pulled us away from Christ are what bring the pain and the sorrow. In life we do things that pull us away from Christ, they make us sad, and as they build up we end up farther and farther away from Christ. He loves us no matter what though and is just waiting for us to return to Him. See, He knows what will make us the most happy! It's His gospel! It brings so much joy and peace and happiness! But our sins don't. They bring us down and make us dismal and bring despair. To stop in our tracks and decide to follow Christ again is not painful, it's not hard to make that move. It is hard to overcome the sins that we have committed though, and it can be hard to overcome the addictions or temptations that we have succumbed to. What gives us hope though is the Atonement of Christ. He loves us so much, He is willing to struggle and suffer with us to help us get through and come out bright and clean again. The trick then is to not do those things again which pulled us away from Christ and stay close to Him. That again is not easy, but can be easier if we use, again, the Atonement of Christ. I like to think of returning to our Heavenly Father in an analogy, maybe like a parable. Heavenly Father lives in a huge white house, glowing white. White carpet everywhere, white couches, white everything. In front of God's house is a huge muddy field, there is no way to get to the house without going through that muddy field, you have to really want to get there. But you get dirty because you trip sometimes and you find a pocket of mud you didn't see and get stuck in. God's not going to let you in if you're all dirty, so how are you going to get in? He wants you to come in, and so do you, or else you wouldn't have walked through all the mud, but you can't come in dirty. Answer: Christ is standing outside with a hose. Asking Him to clean you off is the change of heart that is repentance. The scrubbing that comes from the mud is hard and can take time, and can be painful, but changing your heart and deciding to become clean again is the easy part. Every day we're repenting of something or another, big things, small things. The other night I was having a hard time going to sleep so I started to knit, something I like to do that allows me to think, and I was thinking about why I chose to come out on my mission. I realized I was able to repent when I made the choice. I said no to a mission, but God said yes. When I gave up what I wanted to do and decided to follow Christ, accept His will for me, I changed my heart and was able to repent. God knows what is best for me, He knows what will bring me joy, He knows what will prepare me for the rest of my life. I am glad that I was able to turn my will over to His in this choice because it is whats best for me, it is bringing me joy, and it is preparing me for so many things to come in life. It's hard to overcome sin, but it's easy to make the choice to come closer to Christ. 2 Nephi 31:20

Guided by the Spirit

It's interesting what we can learn throughout our lives and what we learn in a year, in a month, in a day, hour, minute and moment. I have learned a lot lately, I think I said that in my last post, but I want to elaborate more on some of the things I have learned. For one I have learned to listen to the Spirit. The Spirit directs us on how we should live out lives and what we should do, say, so forth. It's really incredible what happens when we can follow the Spirit, what blessings we can see. Before coming out on my mission I had a really cool experience that I want to share about following the Spirit. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, it's something that I have grown up knowing, but I had never before followed Moroni's promise in chapter 10 verse 4&5. I really wanted to try his promise because I was coming out on my mission and I wanted to tell everyone that I too had tried out this promise and I had received an answer, but I'd been so busy with finishing up one more semester, shopping for my mission, going to work, and still trying to have a social life I hadn't done so yet. I couldn't sleep one night, and I had a song stuck in my head that I didn't really want in there. I sang a different song to try to get it out of my head. My go to song for that is my favorite song I learned in Primary in church when I want little, A Child's Prayer. I was singing this song when I realized that it was about praying, duh. I had sung that song so many times before but had never made that connection. I decided maybe the Spirit was telling me I needed to pray. So I decided to act on that. I got out of bed and kneeled down on my floor. My roommate was out so it was just me in the room, and I just started to pray. I didn't know what to pray for though. I didn't have a question I needed answered, didn't have a worry or concern I really needed to pray about. I thought about just saying a prayer of thanks but that didn't feel right either. I searched my feelings and then just started to pray about whatever was in my heart, I just talked to my Father in Heaven. I eventually came to the thought to pray about the Book of Mormon, and whether it was true' it was the perfect time to do so. I was alone, it was peaceful and I was already communicating with God. I prayed about the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith being a Prophet. The answer I received was truly beautiful. Yes, you already knew it was true, but thanks for asking anyway.  I knew that God was happy with me, and I could feel His love so strong that I was sobbing for joy when my roommate walked in, she thought something was truly wrong. But I had my answer, and so now I can share that with everyone and tell them that I know that the Book of Mormon is true, and I know that Joseph Smith was and is a true Prophet and that Christ's true church in the fullest is on the earth again. Why do I bring this up today? I opened a new post and thought about what I should say. I thought about sharing some of my personal scripture study, but that didn't feel right, so I paused and listened to the Spirit to guide me in what I should share. This is what I have felt I should share. I hope that it is able to help someone in strengthening their testimony in knowing that if we let Him, God will direct us, and His directions are what will bring us happiness and joy. As in 2 Nephi 2:25, we are that we might have joy.

New Beginnings

I've never been much of a blogger, but I have taken a look at some blogs that people have created, and I have become excited to create my own, especially as a missionary. So let me introduce myself. My name is Sister Tonia Russon, I go by Sister Russon on my mission but that doesn't fly on Facebook. I am 23 years old. I have been on my mission for about 8 months now and I have loved all of it! People always ask me where I am from, and that's always fun to try to answer. I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah and moved to Edmonton Alberta Canada when I was four. We lived there for a little over a year when we moved to Norman, Oklahoma. After five years there we moved to Clinton, Connecticut and lived there for about four and a half years when we moved to Tooele, Utah. I lived there for three years and then moved to Provo, Utah for school. I don't really feel like Utah is home because of how short my residence in Tooele was and that I was only living in Provo for school. I tend to claim Connecticut, or just North America because it covers everything. I love moving around! You get to experience so many different people and cultures, well American Cultures, and climates too! I was raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and have loved every moment of being a member. I was not your typical teenage girl. When I was in high school in CT some of my favorite music was religious music, and I incorporated my beliefs in all of my English papers. And I attended a church religious class before school started, and even in 7th grade I could not wait to be in high school so I could wake up early in the morning to go to this class. Moving to Utah was an adjustment from not living in Utah, even being a member of the LDS faith, so many people were Mormon, and it was different coming from a town where almost no one was Mormon. I finished high school and was able to attend college and Utah Valley University and finish 62 credits majoring in Deaf Studies with and emphasis in Education. While studying general studies and ASL classes I also studied ballroom dance. I also enjoy oil painting, though I'm not that good. I love reading books, they help me escape and see new places. I love spending time with my family and friends and love to talk! Through out my life I have seen my testimony grown and become bigger and stronger, but nothing has helped that more than coming to serve a mission in Anaheim California area. I have had the chance to share with others my beliefs and my faith to help them see how it will be a benefit and blessing in their lives as it has mine. I have come to love this gospel so much! It's everything to me! I would be nothing without the Gospel of Christ. I have come out here to serve others and love others, but I honestly have found more benefits for me while out here. I know that what the Prophet Benjamin said in the Book of Mormon is true when he said, "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellowbeings ye are only in the service of your God," (Mosiah 2:17).  And as we serve God, He is obligated to bless us, D&C 82:10. This is a new beginning for me, and the first of many posts to follow. I want to share more with you what I have learned, how the Spirit of the Lord has blessed and benefited my live, and how my testimony grows. I hope that as I learn and grow more and strengthen my relationship with my Father in Heaven that I can help someone else in their search for happiness and peace too. Please feel free to ask any questions, and I will do my best to answer them. You can also find me on Facebook under Tonia Russon, pretty sure I'm the only Tonia Russon on Facebook, I just checked ;). And I'm on mormon.org too! But I am here to help and to uplift all I can! John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."